TEAM MAGMA
by MYHEARTFEELSDEADINSIDE
Summary: TEAM MAGMA.
1. Chapter 1

**TEAM MAGMA  
**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Ruins things I like.

* * *

One day in Pokemon world (or wherever Pokemon reside, Earth?) Team Magma were planning a surprise party for Leader Maxie.

Tabitha walked into the cave room (they live in a cave, right?) carrying a bunch of balloons. "Hey you fuckers!" he shouted playfully, "You all better make this day great for Leader Maxie."

The Team Magma grunts shrugged and continued on their business having nothing to do with a party.

"What the fuck, do I have to speak Spanish?"

Suddenly Leader Maxie walked in. "Eargh" he grumbled, "Fucking hyena shit crawled up my ass again. Who the fuck even named these shitty creatures. Mightyena? More like _Un_ mightyena."

Tabitha happily skipped on over to him with a smile and handed him red roses. "Leader Maxie, you are back at last!"

"You punk ass fat bitch, what you looking at?"

Tabitha frowned. "You forgot today is our anniversary?" He cried.

"When the fuck did we get married?"

"Two days ago." Tabitha ran crying out of the room.

"Oh. OH. Yeah. That. Yeah. Needed your hand in marriage because Archie was chasing after my ass and he smells like dead sea creatures. God, what the fuck. Ugh, what are all these fucking red hooded people doing touching my stuff?"

Courtney walked into the room, "What the hell, Leader Maxie! You made poor Tabitha cry! He worked so hard to make this day special!"

Maxie did his defeated reaction pose like he does in the game, quickly shifted eyes and yelled, " Uh... SURPRISE! I... I actually, got Tabitha a brand new, uh, volcano? For our two day marriage."

"Oh, that sounds lovely, Leader Maxie!" Squealed Courtney.

Leader Maxie fell face first on to the floor. "God, got to fucking stop drinking so much whisky." He remained motionless for hours.

Suddenly Archie walked in, "Oh, look, it's that bony ass scientific so-and-so, time to insert my ship into it."

"GOD DAMN IT, ARCHIE." shouted Maxie, throwing a whisky bottle at his face. It bounced off and hit Maxie's face in return breaking his glasses.

Archie grinned. "I pity the fool who don't stay in school!" Kids suddenly appeared and cheered.

Everybody went to Subway later that day and then died because Subway sucks (and charges like too much for a fucking six inch and then you have to also like buy the drink and you are basically paying 20 dollars for a fucking soggy expired... thing.)

To be continued?

Sure, I guess.

Leave me reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

**TEAM MAGMA 2**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Angst.

* * *

Maxie woke up with a giant ship crushing his rear behind. "Urk," He muttered, "God damn it, Archie."

Tabitha quickly approached Maxie smiling huge and handed him over chocolates. "How are you doing today, Leader Maxie? I missed you!"

Maxie sighed. "Please remove this gigantic ship from my ass. I am currently dying due to my internal organs being crushed by this two ton object, but I do not care anymore at this point because I hate my life and everybody involved in it."

Tabitha laughed, "Leader Maxie, you are so funny!"

Courtney walked in and gasped. "Wow, Leader Maxie! That is so very sweet of you to get Tabitha a brand new ship! We should all take it for a spin even though we hate water!"

Maxie glared at her.

"Okay, everybody jump in!" She cheered.

All the Team Magma members jumped into the boat and Tabitha started driving it. Maxie stuck onto the bottom of it like gum and did not care that he was being scraped across the street and various objects. They arrived at the ocean and Maxie sighed as he was brought underwater, ready to just drown now at this point.

"Hey... " wondered a concerned Tabitha, "I think Leader Maxie was still stuck under the boat."

"YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY!" Shouted Maxie, his voice bubbly from underneath the water.

"Geeze, Maxie," Tabitha crossed his arms, "you do not have to be on your period again!"

"Aw, this must be a rough patch!" swooned Courtney, "You two are so cute together!"

"I hate my life." spoke Maxie as he drowned.

To be continued.

Leave reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

**TEAM MAGMA 3  
**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Typed this on my phone while flat on my face. This and I are both trash.

* * *

The next day Archie planned a visit over to the Team Magma lair. "Pity the fool, pity the fool, pity the fool, pity the fool." He mumbled. His voice obviously Mr. T and not that other weird voice.

Leader Maxie was busy harassing Ash and his friends. "Team Magma is better than Team Aqua." He grinned, his voice similar to Squidwards/Snape. "Why won't you like me, Ash and friends? I am not bad. Mm, just trying to fix the worl-"

Archie stormed in, shouting, "FOOL! WHY ARE YOU ALL NOT IN SCHOOL?"

Everybody laughed.

Tabitha clapped. "Look at the funny man, Leader Maxie!"

"GOD DAMN IT, ARCHIE!" Maxie screeched pounding his fist. "I was giving an important speech."

Archie flexed his pecs and stood up on Leader Maxie's desk. "So which one of you called a stripper to this exact location?" He ripped off his swim suit revealing rippling muscles and a tiny thong barely holding in his massive genitals. He began twerking to "We like to Party!" as a rave party begun.

"Yeh, that was me." Blushed Ash. "Heh heh, I turn 18 today!"

"OHHHH!" Everyone said as they patted Ash on the back. "You SLUT!" They laughed.

Maxie facepalmed and crawled under his desk to curl up into a ball. "I hate all of you so much, why must my plans and important speeches be ruined?"

Archie soon danced to "Baby" by Justin Bieber and swung his pelvis hard into Maxie's face knocking over his desk causing his thong to snap off and cling onto Maxie's hair, and then sweat flew onto his face causing him to shriek and cry in absolute horror. "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING IN MY OFFICE?!"

Tabitha scooped Maxie up into his arms and said, "No worries, Maxie! We are just having fun today!"

"Wh-What about-"

"PINEAPPLES!" Shouted Steve Irwin from beyond the grave throwing Pokeballs at everybody as they all laughed.

"What horrifying insensitive alternate universe did I get sucked into?" Cried Maxie.

 _WATCH OUT._  
 _GOTTA GET BACK._  
 _BACK TO THE ORIGINAL UNIVERSE,_  
 _LEADER MAXIE._  
 _WATCH OUT._

Part four arriving whether you want it or not.


	4. Chapter 4

**TEAM MAGMA 4**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Ok.

* * *

Maxie woke up within a trashcan. "God damn it, Archie." he mumbled while trying to get out. The trashcan fell over and he rolled down a hill. "GOD DAMN IT, ARCHIE." The trashcan hit a tree and ceased motion. Maxie screamed with angst.

Tabitha showed up carrying groceries and noticed Maxie screaming within the trashcan. "Leader Maxie having a fit again, should probably avoid him for the next five days. Need to be sure he has Midol and maxie pads though."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, TABITHA!" Screeched Maxie, "I HEARD THAT!"

Tabitha patted the trashcan. "I'll go get you some chocolate as well."

Maxie remained quiet for a few moments before sighing. "Thank you, Tabitha. "

"You are welcome, boss. You know I always got your back."

Suddenly Archie approached. "WHO IS THE ANGRY BITCH ON THEIR PERIOD?" He kicked the trashcan. "I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE."

"GOD DAMN IT, ARCHIE!" Screeched Maxie as he tried to get out of the trashcan to strangle him, but he was stuck and gave up.

"Need help, Leader Maxie?" asked Tabitha bending over to see Maxie.

Maxie was covered in all sorts of various slime and goop. His usual angry face seething with rage out into the world with a piercing glare.

"Ju-Just roll me back to the base and leave me like this in a corner." He sighed.

"Sure thing, Boss!"

Archie farted into the trashcan and then slammed a lid on it.

"GOD DAMN IT, ARCHIE!" Maxie went into a screaming fit pounding at the walls.

"Who else but Archie?" Laughed Tabitha.

An audience cheered.

"I HATE ALL OF YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!"

Suddenly a UFO started blasting everything and then Ash strolled on by and noticed Tabitha and Archie standing by the trashcan. "Gee, what is going on?"

"Your mom." Muttered Maxie his voice muffled from within the trashcan. "Fucker."

Ash gasped. "IS THAT A POKEMON?" He quickly threw a pokeball at the trashcan causing a loud horrible metallic sound inside.

Maxie gave up screaming and remained silent for a whole ten minutes causing some concern.

"Did he die?" Gasped Tabitha in horror.

Archie grinned. "I'll go check!" He sat on the trashcan and farted again causing Maxie to scream. "HE'S STILL ALIVE!" He laughed. "GHAAAAHAHAHA!"

Maxie screeched, "GOD DAMN IT, ARCHIE!"

 **To be continued?**

 **Yes.**

 **If I have to suffer, you have to suffer as well.**

 **Leave me reviews.**


	5. Chapter 5

**TEAM MAGMA 5**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Please leave reviews.

* * *

Tabitha walked into the kitchen to find Maxie sitting at the kitchen table with his face in both his palms in pure dismay. "Aw, what's the matter, Leader Maxie? Need me to cook you food? Did you forget how to open the fridge again? Want me to feed you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Tell meeee."

"Urk."

"Maxieeee." He sat next to him. "Did a child bother you again? You need to stand up for yourself, Leader Maxie."

"Ngh." Maxie turned his head to face away.

Tabitha slapped Maxie's butt. "YOU WILL TELL ME NOW, GOD DAMN IT YOU LITTLE BITCH."

Maxie shrieked and jumped off the chair. "WHAT THE FUCK, TABITHA!"

"TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG OR I WILL FUCK YOU UP THE ASS WITH MY FIST AGAIN AND SHOVE FOOD DOWN YOUR THROAT."

"OKAY, OKAY!" He sat back down and sighed deeply. "Well... I woke up... and out the window... there was Archie watching me and grinning. He waved at me."

"Well just close the curtains?"

"He fucking broke through the window, tore down the curtains, used it to wipe his ass, did "things" to it, shoved it into my mouth and then left before I could scream."

"That's it?"

"... I knew you were not going to take this matter seriously." He turned his head away in despair.

"But Leader Maxie, I paid him to do that!"

"YOU WHAT?" Maxie did that horrified shocked pose that he does in the game when defeated, "WHAT THE FUCK, TABITHA!"

"When you were drunk you said your fetish is for some fucked up idiot in a costume to break into your room, wipe their ass with a cloth, do "things" to it, and then shove it into your mouth."

"WHAT THE FUCK! I NEVER SAID THAT!"

"I have video footage." Tabitha pulled out his ipad and played a recording of him and Maxie at the Team Magma bar.

"Hey... hEY, you know what would be fun-nny, my loove?" spoke a heavily intoxicated Maxie, "You-you know what?"

"What, Leader Maxie?"

"Tits. HEh."

Tabitha paused the video. "See? You said that right there!"

"WHAT? I CLEARLY JUST SAID TITS, NOT... WHATEVER FUCKED UP SHIT YOU MENTIONED EARLIER!"

Suddenly Archie walked into the kitchen carrying water balloons. "SUP, FOOLS!"

Maxie screamed and jumped onto the kitchen table. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME."

Archie threw a water balloon at Maxie causing him to fall off the table, and then he continued bombarding him with more water balloons.

Maxie twitched on the floor soaked entirely with water and then glared up at his rival. "Tabitha, please go find balloons and fill them with magma for us to throw at this fucking pirate."

"But Leader Maxie," shrugged Tabitha, "we tried that before and the balloons immediately disintegrated into the lava."

Maxie glared at Tabitha as water dripped down his glasses and evaporated due to his seething rage. "SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE AND GET ME WHAT I ASKED FOR."

Tabitha slapped his butt. "NO TANTRUMS TODAY."

Courtney walked into the room. "OH! Is it slap Maxie's ass day?"

"YES!" Replied Archie, "TIME FOR US ALL TO SLAP HIS BONY ASS."

"GOD DAMN IT, ARCHIE!" Screeched Maxie as he tried to get up but slipped on the water causing him to fall flat onto his face. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?! YOU ARE ALL FIRED!"

"Oh, Maxie!" Laughed Courtney, "You know no one else wants to work at Team Magma headquarters except for us! Hee hee!"

"WE'RE THE ONLY FRIENDS YOU'VE GOT!" shouted a grunt from within a cabinet eating all the food. "EVEN THOUGH I DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU. JUST HERE FOR THE PAY AND FOOD, HONESTLY. SINCE YOU WERE DESPERATE FOR PEOPLE TO HIRE. AND I JUST KIND OF CRAWLED INTO A VENT HERE TO SLEEP IN AND WAS NOT EVEN ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A JOB. YOU JUST SUDDENLY HIRED ME? YOU WERE GASPING FOR BREATH AND CRYING, ALMOST LIKE YOU WERE DESPERATELY SEARCHING AROUND FOR ANYONE TO JOIN. ANYONE AT ALL." He shook an empty cookie box, "WE'RE OUT OF COOKIES, AND BASICALLY... LIKE, ALL THE FOOD SUPPLY AGAIN. FIFTH TIME THIS DAY. YOU REALLY NEED TO KEEP UP THE FOOD SUPPLY, BOSS."

Maxie died inside as everybody repeatedly slapped his butt.

 **The End.**

 **NOPE.**

 **MORE HELL ARRIVING SOON.**

 **LEAVE REVIEWS.**


	6. Chapter 6

**TEAM MAGMA 6**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Tried to dye my hair red. Ended up with red dye everywhere else but my hair. People in the bus did nothing but stare. Dyed inside. Dead.

* * *

Archie stumbled into the Team Magma lair entirely intoxicated from whisky. Maxie gasped in horror. "GOD DAMN IT, ARCHIE!" He shouted, "DID YOU DRINK ALL MY LIQUOR?!"

"YEAH, BONY SCIENCE BITCH." Slurred Archie, "WHAT. YOU WANT TO FIGHT?"

Tabitha walked into the room and laughed at Archie while clapping. "HA HA, FUNNY MAN RETURNS!"

Maxie sighed. "Tabitha... like... protect me or something?"

"Oh! Right!" Tabitha clapped. "Archie, want to watch a movie with us?"

"WANT TO FUCK?" Shouted Archie.

Maxie quickly pulled Tabitha back in absolute horror. "TABITHA, STAY AWAY FROM THE DIRTY MAN."

"Silly Leader Maxie!" Laughed Tabitha, gently pushing Maxie back, " 'Fuck' means Beer Pong in pirate lingo! He just wants to play Beer Pong with us! Don't you enjoy Beer Pong?"

"WHAT?"

"Oh, are you all going to Fuck?" asked Courtney entering the room, "I want to Fuck!"

"NO, COURTNEY!" Maxie shrieked while pulling out some of his hair, "GOD DAMN IT."

"I brought the beer and cups!"

"Oh." Maxie fell flat onto his face on the floor and remained there. "Everybody just leave the room and leave me here to die."

Courtney tapped Maxie on the head. "Is Leader Maxie going to be okay? I thought he liked Fuck."

"He's just on his period and throwing a tantrum again." Sighed Tabitha, "You know how that goes!"

Tabitha set up a table over Maxie and everybody began the game of Beer Pong.

Archie knocked a pong ball under the table, whacking Maxie on the head. "I CAUGHT A POKEMON!" Slurred Archie. "SHOVE IT INTO THE BALL."

"I hope all of you die a fiery magma related death and burn in Hell as magma is poured up your colon to travel through your gastrointestinal tract until it reaches your brains and causes magma to pour out your eye sockets." Muttered Maxie. "I hate you all so much."

Tabitha smiled and leaned under the table to pat Maxie's head. "Aw, I love you too, Leader Maxie!"

 **The End**

 **HA HA I KID.**

 **MORE TRASH.**

 **SOON.**


	7. Chapter 7

**TEAM MAGMA 7**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** bai.

* * *

Tabitha was busy giving a reluctant Maxie a piggyback ride.

"Urgh, Tabitha, put me down..." The leader grumbled.

"Who's the best leader, Maxie?"

"Urghh."

"Come on! Who's the best leader?"

"Tabithaaaa... put me down."

"No, you are, Maxie! Say you are the best leader!" Smiled Tabitha. "You are going to dry up the land and fix the world make it great for humanity to want to live on!"

"Urgh."

"Who's the best leader, Maxie?"

"... I am..."

"Louder! Who's the best leader?"

"I am." Maxie cracked a small smile. "I am the best leader."

"Yes you are!" Cheered on Tabitha, "Say it again!"

"I am!" The leader started to laugh a little, "I am the best leader!"

"Aw, there you go, Boss!" Tabitha gently placed Maxie down.

They both hugged.

"I love you, Tabitha."

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

"I'll get this." Sighed Maxie as he walked over to the door, opening it.

Archie was there and he was crying. He handed Maxie over a sympathy card. "Maxie." He said between sobs and hugged Maxie, "I am so sorry."

"What is the meaning of this?"

"It must be so horrible!" Cried the pirate. "You have my deepest condolences."

Maxie opened the card and it read.

 _Maxie, I am so sorry your face resembles that of dog shit and that you smell like the dog shit was set on fire. You are grouchy because you have to work in the heat all day and you wear thick clothes to ensure you get a heatstroke because you hate your life. You have my deepest condolences for your hideous face. Team Aqua rules.  
_

"God damn it, Archie." Maxie threw the card at him and then slammed the door before heading off to his office.

Tabitha quickly ran outside. "ARCHIE!" He cried, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I HAD FINALLY JUST GOTTEN HIM TO SMILE. He has not smiled once in months!"

Archie shrugged.

Tabitha leaned over and whispered, "He's on his period! Can't you be more considerate?!"

"Ohhhh! No!" Archie's eyes lit up with remorse. "I'm so sorry! Is there anything I can do to make up for this?"

"There is."

* * *

Meanwhile, Maxie was busy fuming in his office staring angrily out the window at a lava pit.

Tabitha and Archie entered the office.

"LEAVE AT ONCE." Maxie muttered.

"But the great Maxie!" Tabitha beamed, "We brought you something!"

Maxie sighed and turned his chair around to face the two. On his desk were Maxi pads, Midol, chocolates, flowers. He screamed loudly with rage and slammed all the items off his desk. "LEAVE MY OFFICE THIS INSTANT!"

"See what your card caused, Archie?" Whispered Tabitha as he and Archie exited the office. "Now he is never going to smile again."

As soon as they left the room, Maxie glanced at the items on the floor and searched around the room to make sure no one was looking. He picked up the Midol and chocolates and began eating them as he turned his chair to continue viewing out the window.

A moment passed before he smiled and whispered, "Thank you, Tabitha."


End file.
